Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Feel Good Hit of the Fall

Do you know who Jason Statham is? He's the guy who's never heard of Chuck Norris. Why? Because every time some internet geek (or drug lord) tried to tell him, he kicked a gun in their face and knocked them the hell out. He's the star of The Transporter franchise, and perhaps a cute little indie movie you might have heard of called SNATCH (no, he did not play the role of Brad Pitt).

He's been called the British Bruce Willis, just now, by me. It's not totally accurate but it points you in the direction of the ballpark. He's gritty, he kicks ass, he kicks charisma's ass, and he's somewhat balding. Basically, he and his films, whether they be high or low brow, are entertaining as all get out. And in just a few weeks what may well be his masterpiece- his opus of ass-kicking, if you will- will hit theatres. It's called Crank and here's the plot...

Jason Statham kicks everyone's ass.

Well... In a nutshell. I haven't been to any pre-screenings or anything. But the idea is that he plays a hitman who's been poisoned, and if he lets up on the adrenaline for just a second he'll die. So not only must he go on a rampage to seek revenge, he must go on a rampage just to keep going on his rampage! Oh, drama! And he won't JUST be kicking ass (as if that wasn't enough to sustain a major motion picture), he'll also be mainlining liquid crack into his eyeball (I assume) and getting it SO TOTALLY ON with Amy Smart in the middle of the street (I need not assume!).

Man. Sounds like another mindless Hollywood piece of action tripe, eh? Not your cup of tea there, Mr. Snooty McSnooterson film critic? Need something to give this epic the indie cred you and your tweed jacket and ascot wearing friends demand? Two words.

Dwight Yoakam.

Now get your butts to the theater or I'll kick a gun in your face.

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